However, the global pandemic has unfortunately impacted the dating culture even more so.
In this blog, I want to talk about what has changed, what you need to know, and more importantly, what you need to do so that you don’t feel like you’re going to be missing out on love or suffering through this whole global situation with confusion and lack of direction. So let’s jump into it right now.
Hi everyone. Welcome back to my channel. I’m Renee Slansky. I am a professional dating and relationship coach and I help women from around the world find and build the relationship they desire and deserve and break those toxic cycles.
First, fear and uncertainty have obviously increased.
When fear and uncertainty increase, what it does is, it makes us lose confidence and lose a sense of direction.
I’m someone that personally believed that before you even go out there and date, you need to have clarity and intention.
If you are focusing on fear and whether those fears are; I don’t know how I’m going to meet someone, I don’t know when I can even see that person, because we can’t go back to restaurants, or I’ve just started a long-distance relationship, and I don’t know when I’m going to see them next, either way, those fears are probably really valid.
However, just because your fears are valid, doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to allow them to control your dating life.
So, in this instance, when you’re actually feeling a lot of emotional turmoil, you need to apply logic.
There’s kind of two sides to the brain.
The female side.
The male side.
There is the emotional side. There is the logic side and we want to bring balanced. So if you’re feeling overly logical about stuff where you’re actually becoming indifferent, we know you need to inject emotion.
If you’re feeling overly emotional about things because of fear and uncertainty and worry, we need to inject logic here. So you might actually have to ask yourself some logical questions or find logical answers that contradict your fears.
The reason why I’m bringing this up and saying that you need to focus on logic and building some sort of certainty and standards is that if people are dating out of fear and without the right intentions or the right sort of mindset.
Those are the same people who are going to be on the dating apps that you are actually involved with. They’re the sort of people who will come up with your options.
If we can all do our part to really go, “Okay, let me get in the right mind frame first. From a place of wisdom, rather than a place of fear and emotion,” it means that you are more dateable and better at dating experience.
Next, men have really pulled back in this time.
I have been absolutely inundated with emails and messages about guys that have started dating a girl and things are going pretty good, and then he pulls back. It’s really confusing even for him because he did actually start out with the right intentions to date this girl.
Now, I’ve obviously done a lot of videos about what to do when a man does pull back, but in this instance, the reason why a lot of men are pulling back in the global pandemic is that there’s a lot of uncertainty there.
They are losing jobs. Losing their security, whether it is job security, financial security, they are feeling like their foundations have been shifted because there is so much uncertainty globally at the moment.
What men like to do is, they actually like to strengthen those foundations again and put all their energy into making sure everything else is secure first, before they then go and invest into a relationship or another person.
So, for some of you girls, it started off really great because, before the pandemic, you started dating, and then it was like, “Ooh, pandemic. Okay, this is a bit weird.” However, it’s obviously lasted a whole lot longer than we wanted to. Trust me, this is just the tip of the iceberg.
2021 is going to be a really interesting year
Punishing a guy because he has pulled back in this time is not going to solve the matter. We all handle crises differently.
Women tend to give more, they go into their nurturing mode. They go into wanting to communicate more because that’s what they do.
Whereas men actually pull back and they pull back, they go, “Jen, you know what? How can I fix this? How can I just get all this right?” That is why they’re pulling back.
They’re trying to work out how they can fix things, how they can make it right before they actually invest in someone else.
The third thing, we need to understand about dating in this time of history is, video dates are now normal.
We need to start getting used to them if we don’t want to feel like we’re missing out on being able to connect with someone that we can’t actually physically see in person.
For some of you, you feel quite uncomfortable about video dates, and I have actually done another video on this, on my channel, on how to do a video date successfully.
However, yes, video dates are now a thing. I personally don’t see them going anywhere even once things return back to normal. So let’s try and use them in a way where we can still enhance our relationship.
The fourth thing is this; Long Distance Relationship
Are you dating someone that is in a different city, guess what? We’ve had no choice but to be into a long-distance relationship because travel has been restricted.
I have released a video on this. If you ask someone in a long-distance relationship what to do when you can’t see each other indefinitely, so I recommend going to check that out. In fact, I’ve done a whole lot of COVID videos, which will really help you during this time if you are kind of freaking out.
Long-distance relationships, are either put on hold or strained, or just starting.
The reason why is because we’re on our phones more. We are at home doing work and we can’t go out to socialize in person because we’re quarantined.
So what are we doing? We’re on our phones and on social media. We are connecting with people in different time zones, and then we’re starting to build a relationship with them, and then we’re like, “Okay, I’ve connected with this person in a different part of the world. I’m building something with them.”
Guess what? It will be a long-distance relationship. So, we need to have some sort of flexibility around this, but we also need to have a strategy.
Number five. Courtship and traditional dating now need more planning.
Before we used to be able to go, “Do you want to grab a coffee?” and we’d literally just go and grab somewhere local or we’d be able to do last minute things because we weren’t restricted.
That isn’t an option.
Right here, for example, in Europe, we’re in our second lockdown. There are no cafes open. There are no restaurants open.
Therefore, if I’m wanting to plan something with someone, I need to actually put some effort in. I can’t just do anything last minute. And you need to actually plan a little bit more or plan ahead.
For example, if restaurants are restricted, you might have to plan ahead to make sure that you’re one of the people that can actually get in because they might only allow 30 people at one time.
We can’t just leave things to the last minute.
What I personally think this will do is, it will really make you reassess who you’re putting your energy into because more energy is required.
I think that’s actually a good thing, because a lot of you were out there dating, just because you can, and some of you shouldn’t be dating.
Some of you actually need to have time to be by yourself and work out a few things.
So by being forced to plan more because of restrictions, I actually think this is way more positive than before and can be used to your advantage, which brings me to my last point.
Social gatherings and events will be restricted.
So we can’t just rely on trying to meet somebody in real life at a social event if that’s what we actually would prefer.
At the moment, here, there are no social events. They are literally canceled until Christmas or after Christmas.
So, if you are someone who was single, who was kind of banking on being able to go out during summer or go out during the whole Christmas festive season and meet someone at your work Christmas party and all these fun sorts of social gatherings, guess what? That’s not going to happen, unfortunately.
We need to be able to think outside of the square and outside of the original plan that we have for our love life and to be able to move it more into, how can I still connect with quality men or quality women, even if I can’t do it in person at these events?
Obviously, there is online dating. There are dating apps, but it’s not just that. Do some social media. You can connect through Facebook community groups that have obviously mixed sexes.
You can connect through online meetup groups. We are only as limited as what we think we are because whatever we think our brain then starts to pull into our reality.
So let’s get creative about it.
You do not have to have a fully restricted love life.
Your love life does not have to be put on hold and you certainly don’t have to settle for second best just because of what we’re going through.
Now, as I mentioned at the beginning of this article, COVID really has affected the relationships that we have.
To be honest, things aren’t going to change overnight once we hit 2021.
We’re still going to be affected by it and there are going to be things that may never, ever go back to normal.
This is why I’ve created my brand new membership, The Flourish Project.
The Flourish Project is an online community for women that gives you monthly strategies and lessons at an affordable price, no matter where you are through your journey so that you’re able to actually have some peace, some progress, and some clarity and breakthrough during this time. This about having love education and strategies that actually work, whether you’re in a global pandemic or whether you’ve just always struggled with your love life or your marriage in general.
Here’s the link for that. It is a brand new membership so I’m still ironing out some creases. So stay patient with me, but go and check it out.
All right, don’t forget to check out my other COVID resource as well. Let me know if this video has helped you and let me know what you have found to be the biggest thing that’s impacted you personally during COVID and your dating love life.
All right girls and guys have an amazing day. Stay safe. Don’t focus on fear.
Know that God has everything under control
I’ll speak to you all soon. Bye for now.