Dr. Thomas Jordan is an expert at helping people heal their disappointing love life. Listen to this episode to learn his 3 powerful steps.
Thomas Jordan specializes in the treatment of chronic love life problems and is the founder of the Love Life Learning Center. In 2017, he launched the Healthy Love Life Seminar with his wife, psychotherapist, Victoria Jordan. He’s the author of, Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life.
In this episode of Last First Date Radio:
- The difference between love and love relationships
- How to connect the dots to your past to learn why you’ve repeated patterns in relationships
- The 10 key areas that impact every relationship
- How to heal your disappointing love life!
Healing Your Disappointing Love Life
What have you learned through research, training, treating patients, and personal experience about the emotion of love?
I differentiate love from love relationships. Love is uncontrollable and unpredictable. Love relationship is how we relate when we’re in love. I help clients form and sustain a healthy relationship. Many people are not in control of their love life. That’s because of repeating disappointment, settling, avoiding hurt and settling to live without love.
What I learned is most people don’t know what they’ve learned from love relationships. If you don’t know, it’s in control of your love life.
What are the 10 key areas that impact every relationship?
There are unconscious lessons we learned from our family of origin. The ten key areas are:
Abandonment, abuse, over-controlled, dishonesty, dependency, exploitation, mistrust, neglect, rejection, self-centeredness.
When we’re exposed to these early in life, they structure our beliefs and behavior. We recreate them in our love life. We either attract someone with the behavior or we have that behavior in a relationship.
How can people discover a healthy love life after many gone-bad relationships?
Consciousness is everything. Once you become aware of the pattern, you can change it.
- Identify the relationship experiences that are repeating. Strengthens your ability to challenge the patterns that continue to show up.
- Challenge the repetition. Identify what’s unhealthy. Deepen your understanding.
- Ask what you can do differently. Become consciously aware so you create healthier relationships in the future. Look at the opposite of what you’ve attracted before.
What types of questions can people ask to see if a date is a good potential partner?
Avoid interrogation. Knowing what you need in a partner, listen to what people reveal about themselves. Insert questions that go with the flow. Ask about their love life experiences on the second or third date. Look for positives, not just negatives.
Do you have to work at your marriage, even though you are married to a sex therapist?
I wrote the book for research and also because I changed my love life and want people to do the same. I grew up with a mother who was dependent and controlling. The women in my love life were dependent and controlling. Until a wise analyst told me I used my mother as a template for my love life. I was then able to connect the dots. I was in a friendship with a woman who was a therapist, and I learned women could be independent and not controlling. It was shortly after that I met my wife who was independent and not controlling.
What final words of wisdom can you share with those who want to go on their last first date?
Reflect on your love life. If you see repetition, ask yourself questions. Stop and think about it. Identify the repeated patterns and do something different.
Connect with Dr. Jordan here: https://lovelifelearningcenter.com/
You can call his office: 212-875-0154
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